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I feel bad. My mom’s giving me a cold shoulder. Very very cold. I told her I wanted to move out and move into some dorm near the office. Was that bad? I just wanted to experience living on my own, to take care of myself. Independence. I’m not a teenager anymore. Being at home is turning me into a bum…a fucking lazy bum. I want to understand the word RESPONSIBILITY before I turn into a needy 30-year old mama’s girl.

I feel bad. My mom thinks it’s my way of doing whatever I want without them knowing. True, I can do everything I want. But I’m old enough to know what’s black or white. And I’ve never kept anything from them, especially from her. What if you mess up? How can I mess up when I’m sleeping most of the time? And if I did some crazy things, then I guess I’ll have to learn how to clean the mess myself. Isn't that part of growing up?

I feel bad because I understand her…that she doesn’t want me making the wrong decisions…and I’m much indebted. But I feel so stubborn about this. I have to do it for myself. It’s not like I’m running away from home and I’m definitely not “living-in” with somebody as she puts it. (As if I have somebody now…just so u know, my life’s in mono mom.), I’m simply ‘bed spacing.’

I just wish she’d let me try. : (