guilt trip

Yesterday, my brother and I sneaked out of the house-- sibling conspiracy executed well! I had to go to my friend’s house to get rid of some nagging alcohol fix… so we slipped out of the house quietly as a cat, flexing some muscles (I had to puuuusssh the car out of the driveway.)

Over several glasses of beer, my friend and I discussed my dilemma-- MOVING OUT. I thought she’d be on my side. Turns out, I was up for a guilt trip.

“Why would u want to move out?”
Because I’m craving for independence.

“You don’t need independence, you’re just 21. You’re so young.”
Does age really matter? Do you have to be 30 to be ‘qualified’ to get out of the house and make a life of your own?

“No. But you should understand that your mom is just concerned…she doesn’t want you messing up…”
Yeah, I understand…and I appreciate it, really… but why can’t she just trust me? Why does she have to think that once I step out of the house I’m bound to make the wrong decisions? I haven’t and I’m not planning to. But if I DID, isn’t that part of learning? Not because somebody did, it would apply to everyone.

“Alright, if you want it that bad, then go ahead. Move out. Don’t think about your mom. It’ll hurt but she’ll understand. Do it for yourself.”

Don’t think about your mom. Ok, I lose. You win. I can’t do it. I can’t disregard my mom’s feelings. Maybe I can, but I’m not gonna sleep well at night. I saw the disappointment on my mom’s face when I told her, and it pains me more knowing I hurt her feelings. Yeah, I’m such a MOMMY’s GIRL.

With other people moving out is no big deal... not to be fussed over and argued upon. I wonder why it's such an issue when it deals with ME. Ho hum.

AARRGGGHH. I STILL WANT TO MOVE OUT.

Yes, im stubborn.

***

I feel like a zombie today. But I’m a smiling zombie.

And I feel like a school girl…………. üüü