that day..

I was eleven then, a skinny, petite girl caught up in a brawl. It was raining and everybody was on the playground anxious to watch my one-on-one match with Rosemerta, the gigantic bully. She was a plump thirteen-year-old girl who had five good inches advantage over me. She had eyes that seemed to bulge out of their sockets, and huge arms about six times bigger in diameter than mine. I stood tall in front of the bull, head high in my odd-looking fighting stance・but deep inside I was so scared I could almost see my entire life flash by. Then again, I thought of David and Goliath so I said to myself I'm gonna kick your ass.

But I guess it was my ass that got kicked. The bully grabbed me effortlessly, and shoved my face on to the muddy ground. It was nothing really, until I heard her oh-so-evil high-pitched laugh that hurt my ears and paralyzed me. Even the other kids couldn't bear the bully's piercing guffaw, as they seemed to almost pass out. The next thing I saw was Rosemerta crashing on the ground next to me, her head dipped in a puddle of mud. For a more movie-like, dramatic effect, the rain stopped pouring and the sun appeared almost instantly. There stood my knight in shining armor whose face I couldn't see for a blinding light was shining on that person's face. So I stood up with my puppy-like eyes and a dreamy expression in my face eager to give my knight a well-deserved thank you kiss. Well, it turned out to be that my knight was more of a warrior princess, a pretty girl about my age. She held my hand and then I saw the world's sweetest smile. That day we walked home hand in hand eager to beat all odds.

blue and pink..black or white?

When the last thing you wanna do is hurt the ones you love, would you rather hurt yourself?

It breaks my heart to be judged by the people I love the most… To be seen as a big mistake… a sheep gone astray… a freak of nature… but most painfully, to cause shame in our family.

Why?

Because I fell in love with a SHE instead of a HE?

Are we to be judged by the choice of who we love?

I asked my Hindu friend about their stand on same sex relationships. He said that where love is present, it doesn’t matter whatever the form is…. And yes, I thought “all we need is love,” that sometimes, some things just don’t matter.

I wish our hearts have built in switches, which you could turn on and off as often as you’d like, I wish they have built in radars, with a red light that would go off as if saying “Off Limits!” or “Danger!”, whenever we come across the wrong person. But could we really teach our hearts? Could we really set limits or expectations as to what it should do, or who it should love? If we indeed could teach our hearts, then why don’t they teach theirs to love their daughter just as she is.

Who tells us it’s the right or wrong person to love?The quoted verses in the bible?What if you don’t read the bible, say you’re Hindu, do you burn in hell just the same?

In a world full of different ideologies, philosophies, religion and practices, who judges the right from wrong? Who says which is black or which is white? Is it God?

For me, God is someone who has always been there for me, whether I was good or bad—it didn’t matter. When I’m weak, He is my pillar of strength…when I’m distressed, He is my comfort zone. He never failed me…and when I prayed to him to give me someone to love, He gave me her.

Now that I have her, they say it’s wrong. They say it’s against God’s will. If this is how the world works then maybe I don’t really know God.

It hurts to live in a world where people value written verses, instead of people’s feelings.

It hurts to live in a world where you are judged by WHO you love not by HOW you love.

When the last thing you wanna do is hurt the ones you love, would you rather hurt yourself?

Will I give up my happiness to fulfill my parents’ expectations…

Would I hurt her?... and would I hurt myself?

I guess not. Because I believe in the concept that God is unconditional. He is a God who never chooses. God loves all no matter the status, race, or gender. He loves even the sinners. If God doesn’t choose who to love, then who are we to choose? Who are we to say loving this person is wrong?