heartbreaker

Paulo Coelho once told me not to ask this question… or at least that’s what he said in his book, The Zahir. But I guess at one point or another, we all are haunted by this question…and right at this moment I find myself asking, Why am I unhappy?

I have a job that I’m good at. I have swell friends. I have a loving family. I have someone who loves me. All I needed to say was I am happy, but why do I find myself listing all these reasons… Is it to avoid the real answer?

I went out last Saturday, with colleagues… to get rid of this nagging alcohol fix. I was sick, but went out anyway. It’s funny when one gets drunk. You open up to the world. You get to shout out to world that you’re not happy. It’s supposed to be a good thing. To finally realize what’s wrong…to accept that there is indeed something wrong, and to say it out loud…and do something about it. But no matter how I tell the world, the whole world doesn’t really care…because in the first place, it isn’t the world I should be saying it to…but to this person...

But how do you tell someone you’re unhappy with them…when all that makes sense in that person's life right now is you...when all they ever get their strength from is you?

I had always been the broken one…and I always thought it hurt. But I never knew it would hurt more when you are the one breaking somebody’s heart…you carry twice the pain -- theirs and your own.

How do you break somebody’s heart? When you know with all your heart that somebody was the one who loved you the best…

:’(